Journey of a Swingle guy

Consent is a simple concept…

No means no, right?

‘No’ is a complete sentence…

That’s something that I’ve said more than once – and meant it each time…

But it goes deeper than that… Consent begins before words and continues through the scene until the end!

As someone who helps organises Swingers parties Consent is an extremely important consideration…

Its often been called one of the key tenets of the Swinging Lifestyle – as well as Honesty & Respect – and is something we bring up at every opportunity…

I love talking about Consent – but I sometimes struggle with how simple and yet complex it can be…

Simple. Simple as in ‘No means No’… that’s a simple, black & white, no room for misinterpretation,  full statement…

Complex. Made complex as we humans sometimes see things differently.  Men & women can see things from very different perspectives… Age plays a point, as does culture as do many factors… the way we understand and use language…

Imagine this scenerio…

Person A slaps Person B on the bum as they walk past each other…

Simple example – happens all the time in nightclubs, parties & offices all over the world, right?

Pretty clear cut at first glance…But-

Was consent broken?

Was it needed?

Do the genders of the people matter?

Does the relationship between the people matter?

How does it look from Person C’s perspective?

All of a sudden – its not so Black & White anymore…

Here’s another example – you’re at a Swingers party, and wish to play with someone in a couple.

Do you ask both people? Only one? Do you need to ask the persons’ partner? Might there be a relationship dynamic that is in play?

Again – is the gender of the people important?

I think it probably shouldn’t  – but I’d have to say from what I’ve seen & heard – in reality sometimes it does matter…

Another thing that can have an impact on consent, or, at the very least the appearance of Consent is if there is an existing relationship/connection with the other person… I’ve made many great friends in the lifestyle, and believe there exists a level of implied consent – for low-level things like touching or hugging for example…

Of course this has limits – if I’ve played with someone in the past – that it no way means I get to play with them again – unless they consent to it…

Just because I shared a cup of tea with them yesterday, doesn’t automatically give me any future tea rights…😊

But I can imagine how this might look to a 3rd person – particularly if that person doesn’t know of the existing friendship…A person new to the lifestyle may not understand – and that’s not always their fault…

Guys new to the lifestyle that might be a bit confused about this apparent double-standard – let me try and clear it up for you a bit…

You’re hanging out with your mates… these are guys you’ve known for years, maybe even grown up with…

You can take the piss out of your mates – call them names a total stranger would punch you in the mouth for – because you’ve built that relationship over a period of time…

This is a form of Consent – and works exactly the same way!

Except – you’re probably not trying to sleep with your boys…😊

If you meet a guy for the first time – you’re going to treat him a bit differently than the mate you’ve known since kindy…

Established relationships…

But this comes back to the Golden Rule – Always Ask!!!

Never Assume…

Even though there are grey areas, and can be open to different interpretations – one thing is very true – No means No!

If you are unsure – ASK!

And remember that Consent can be revoked at any point! It’s always good to check in with your partner throughout – just from a sense of good manners!

The surest way to get thrown out of a Swingers Party is to ignore this basic rule…

But if you follow these basic principles, and not only ask but really LISTEN to your play partner – you’ll have a lot more fun!!

And isn’t that the point? 😊