Journey of a Swingle guy

As a somewhat single guy in the lifestyle (I have a extremely lovely GFWB but we also happily play as individuals ) and as a particularly introverted one – I wanted to share with the other single & newbie guys out there some of the things I have I have learned over the past few years that have helped me overcome some of my social anxieties and have helped me better relate to the lovely ladies…

First of all – if you’re at a party, Munch or other type of Event – CONGRATULATIONS!!!

That’s a big step – you’re putting yourself out there, which has got to be one of the hardest things to do!! Actually walking in the door for the first time can be terrifying!!!

My first ever Event was just a Meet & Greet at a local pub – so no play or anything to worry about…

Still…

Luckily for me I had recently met a lady who was in a similar position to me – except WAAAAYYY better looking than me!!

We still sat in the car for 20 mins tossing up between just driving home and taking the plunge…

‘What were we thinking? We’re far too Old & Ugly to be Swingers – they’re all young & fit & beautiful and we’re not!!!”

Luckily – we managed to find 20 seconds of Courage (Thanks to Matt Damons’ character in ‘We Bought a Zoo’… “You know, sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, just literally 20 seconds of embarassing bravery, and I promise you great will come of it…” and walked through the front door to be met with… normal, everyday people?

No hairy-chested men with too many gold medallions and too tight pants…

No ‘gorgeous models’ – just real people. People like you and me – people with jobs & kids and leaky pipes and a healthy attitude towards sex…

So if you manage to walk into that room – fucking Fantastic!!

As a lifetime introvert, I couldn’t help feeling self-conscious about my hairy, 50yr old Dad-bod… I didn’t have abs, or those things down the sides of the men in magazines – the only things I lifted was cheesecake so obviously women wouldn’t be attracted to me, right?

The naked truth is both disconcerting and extremely freeing – and its so obvious that its often overlooked… So I need you to listen closely to what I’m about to tell you…

Come a bit closer – that’s it – closer – I won’t bite…

PEOPLE AREN’T THINKING ABOUT YOU!!!!

People – just like you – have a Lot of Shit going on in their lives… and you and you less-than-perfect body don’t even make the Top 50 most of the time!!!

Plus – and here’s the funny bit – most people are too worried about what Other people are thinking about Them to worry about YOU!

IKR? – how rude!

There’s a concept I recently learned about – I don’t know if its a ‘real’ thing or just one of those social media theories that come around now again…

‘Main Character Syndrome’ – simply put its a point of view that we have where we are the main character of our own stories, and can easily forget that in Other peoples’ stories – we are just a side character – not the Hero… which is not a bad thing – but can be a bit of a hit to our egos…

My first proper Play Event was an Australia Day Pool party… I was the +1 to a friend who was more experienced than me…

I took my swimmers with me – but just as the time came to hop in the water – I took a deep breath and bit the bullet… There were probably 30-40 people there – in various stages of undress…

As I stripped naked in front of strangers for the first time in my 50+ years, I waited for the outcries… for people to start laughing and pointing at my naked, hairy body and limp, definitely non-porn star sized cock… for the music to come to a screeching halt and everyone to look at me…

Aaaand….

Nothing…

Nobody even batted an eyelid…

Nobody paid me the slightest bit of attention – which – after a brief moment of confusion – was soooo freeing & enlightening…

I had one of those ‘Lightbulb moments’ – one of them ‘Epiphany things (which I always thought was a Greek desert – but apparently not!)… I wasn’t anything special – just another person in the Lifestyle , being accepted by people for who I was – not what I Looked like!

I finally realised what so many people had said during my life… I had wasted so much time in my life worrying about what Other people had thought of me – when the simple truth was they simply weren’t…

This took so much pressure off me – and allowed me to just enjoy being me, and the ability to find the best version of me there was…

I can truly say that as long as you are open and honest – firstly with yourself and then with other people – you’ll enjoy your life a lot more…

So – you’ve found the courage and are at a party…

You’re being yourself, and have enjoyed a lively conversation with a lovely lady that you wouldn’t mind getting to know a bit better…

You ask her if she’d like to play/ take things into the bedroom/ do the horizontal mambo – however you put it! And she says no…

Time to leave then. Put your shoes back on & dissapear into the night… Sad music following you as you slink off alone… Right?

Thats’ one option certainly….or you can understand that a rejection isn’t always an indictment of you as a person…

Oh – it can certainly can be! But it can also be one of a mllion other reasons because we aren’t the centre of the Universe… a lesson some people would do good to learn!!!

Lets face it – unless you’ve done something big & bold, you’re probably not going to elicit that kind of reaction from somebody…

So many times it’s NOT personal – so try not to take it that way…

How? By realising that there are so many factors that may affect a person’s – and at the risk of being called sexist, particularly women – desire to play at a given moment…

Whilst also importantly respecting the fact that No means No, and that No is a complete sentence and that no woman ‘owes’ you an explanation…

This is a short list of reasons why a person might not want to play at that particular moment:

It’s too hot in the room,

It’s too cold in the room,

The chicken wings just came out of the oven and she’s hungry (and not for cock!),

They not long ago finished playing & aren’t ready to another round just yet,

They’ve got their eye on someone else,

You look like her sons’ best friend,

You look like her son/brother/ex-boyfriend

Their partner said what?,

Shelley just said something really funny & interesting,

Your cologne /perfume reminds them of someone they don’t like..,

They’re looking for a different sort of experience tonight and its just not you…,

She been hit on by 12 blokes so far and is just over it!,

She’s having anxiety issues because she just noticed a bulge under her lingerie and feels ugly,

Her hair just wont sit properly,

She feels bloated, or dizzy, or fat, or out of place…

The list goes on and on and on… a thousand reasons that don’t involve you in any way…

But it’s human nature to put ourselves at the top of the list – unfortunately, particularly guys can have problems dealing with perceived rejection…

But – if you can leave your ego at the door with your shoes – you can move past this small issue and continue to enjoy your experience.

Lastly – I’ll say this… This is a journey of many small steps…

Everybody will take different steps of different sizes…

Your journey is yours alone & only you know how fast you travel…

Have fun everyone!!!