Journey of a Swingle guy

Just me, writing about stuff I'm learning…

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Swingle man. 54 yrs, recently (4 yrs) divorced & looking at life anew…

  • DO CLOTHES MAKETH THE MAN?

    I’m part of a group that hosts Swingers’ Parties…

    It can be a bit of work, and things don’t always go as planned – (more on that later!) but one thing I’ve started noticing more & more is dress standards – particularly the difference between men & women…

    Obviously,  not everyone is the same – thank goodness for that! – some people love dressing up, for others it’s a bit of a chore…

    But either way – I think it’s important to understand the nature of the event you are attending…

    If you are heading out to a Swingers’ Party, with the intent of rubbing your bits against someone else’s bits, it would be in your best interest to present your bits in the best light possible!

    Now – this is an area where the ladies definitely have an advantage over us guys – there are many things they can do to make themselves even more beautiful than they already are…

    For us men – the options are more limited, but nevertheless as important…

    If you rock up in the same clothes you’d wear going shopping in, or to go to a beer garden, what image are you presenting?

    If you picked the first tshirt that was handy & passed the sniff-test – do you really expect anyone to be attracted?

    Or are you just banking on your obvious masculine energy to drive the ladies mad with desire?

    I’m not saying you need a top hat & tails – but at minimum a nice dress shirt & pants make a good impression…

    Oh – and shoes!

    Who the fuck thinks thongs are appropriate to wear to a Swingers’ Party – especially at night?

    Since I’ve spoken about the guys, I’ll say something about the ladies… Firstly – if you have or have had a female partner in your life – you’ll probably know how much time & effort they can go to to get ready for a night out.. the outfit, hair, make-up, waxing/shaving – they do it all!!

    Some more than others – which is 100% fine. Some ladies love to dress up in sexy lingerie – some ladies don’t…

    But they all deserve to be appreciated for the effort they put in!

  • The myth of Monogamy…

    There were certain things I was brought up to believe as absolute truths…

    There were 2 genders…

    Work hard, be honest and keep to yourself and you will succeed…

    And probably most importantly of all – you aren’t complete as a person until you find “THE ONE”!!!

    The person that completes you.. Your ‘Other Half’ The person who you fall head over heels in love with, get married & have a family with…

    Then you’re supposed to grow old together, buy a caravan and travel around Australia until…you die, I suppose?

    But – why then is the divorce rate in most developed countries running at nearly 40%? over 1/3 of all marriages fail for one reason or another…

    Could it possibly be that we put too much pressure on our partners to be everything that we need in life?

    Best Friend, Confidant, Lover, Therapist and more?

    Is it really fair to expect all this from 1 person? All the while dealing with the day-to-day stresses that Life continually throws at us in a non-ending barrage of trials, troubles & tribulations…

    Maybe – we expect too much from 1 person?

    After all – we are able to have more than 1 friend…because we understand that we get different things from different people…

    After my separation, the 1st lady I met was in a similar position to me – out of a long-term monogamous marriage and looking for something else.

    In fact she was adamant that she did not want another relationship ever again!! We spent countless hours discussing and debating what we were – because we both only had old thinking and reference points to compare to…Slowly, over time, I’ve realized that I don’t NEED another person in my life to feel complete – I need to find that within myself…

    You can be complete on your own…

    And – funnily enough, I have no desire to be needed by another…

    Wanted, on the other hand – is a different proposition!!

    How fantastic is it to be in someone’s life because they choose you?

    And that’s the beauty of the Swinging lifestyle… for me, it allows me to make connections with different people to get different things – and to be different things for different people too…

    If you haven’t heard the word before – I want you to google the word COMPERSION.

    It’s a word I only learned about a couple of years ago – which isn’t good enough…

    Basically – it’s the opposite of jealousy… being able to feel happiness in your partners’ happiness – particularly in a sexual context – which is pretty much the opposite of how we’re taught to react by society.

    Its sad to consider for the majority of my life this was never even an option I knew existed!! I’d seen enough movies & TV to think that I should react in a certain way  – without even knowing there was another option!!

    Which brings me back to my original point – if we can be complete within ourselves, who’s to say we can’t enjoy the company of more than one person in a relationship?

    And I’m not saying that monogamy doesn’t have it’s place – lots of people still manage to find happiness in them…

    But I am saying that maybe – possibly we can stop looking at it as the only option?

  • Consent – 20 Sexy Questions…

    I recently passed a milestone – 4 years since I attended my 1st ever Swingers Party…

    Which meant it was about 4 & a half years, roughly, since I discovered the lifestyle…

    I’ve been thinking of what I have learned in that time – and how its changed the way I look at life…

    Before any of this, I was married for nearly 30yrs… very vanilla, very monogamous… I sort of knew about swinging, and all that stuff – but that was for “other people”… not me…

    I even worked in an Adult Shop for a year, and saw all the magazines & movies, etc…

    When I separated from my wife (or – more accurately when she separated from ME!, lol) there wasn’t a conscious intent to get into the lifestyle  – again – it was for ‘other people’ – definitely not for blokes like me!

    It was something that sort of happened organically… You meet one person, then another, and then pretty soon you’re naked in a motel room with a dozen strangers!

    One thing that I soon realised was how open & honest swingers can be about topics that normal people don’t really talk about… Consent, for example…

    I knew what it was of course…but it hadn’t really been a thing I’d given much thought about…

    Being married, I’d gotten very used being knocked back – especially in the later years…

    If the ol’ ball & chain wasn’t in the mood – then it wasn’t happening… pure & simple…

    But it was never a topic of conversation – we never talked about it…

    But fast forward & I’m in the lifestyle & we’re talking about it ALL the time…

    Every party you go to, every interaction you have it’s an integral part of the discussion…

    And its fucking fantastic!!!

    One thing that really surprised me was how sexy I find Consent – and talking about it – especially with a prospective partner!!

    Oh, how stimulating it is – talking with someone about what you would like to do with them – and what they want to do back, and how done to them…🤤🤤🤤🤤

    Its definitely a fun part of foreplay!!

    I’ve heard some guys complain that its ‘limiting’ or it’s ‘dry & a mood-killer’ – but I don’t get that at all…

    You’re engaging with a woman (or couple, as the case may be) and finding out what they like & don’t like…what they want & what they don’t… could it get more sexy?? Talking about where you’re going to put your bits?

    Trust me guys – if you get to a point where a woman is telling you what she likes (and where!!) you need to listen!!

    Put your own needs aside for a bit, and listen to her words…

    For her words will light a path to Heaven…If you only know when to ask and when to shut up!!

    I want to discuss Consent in further detail – but I’ll save that for its own post I think…

  • Epiphany…Greek Goddess of Sudden Realisations!

    Australia Day 2022 was my first ever, proper Swingers Party…

    I’d been to a few Meet & Greets at pubs, and an impromptu party after one such Munch…

    But a proper, honest to God Swingers’ Party? Well, I never!!!

    A friend of mine, who I shall call Deb, invited me to a private party during the day, and told me to bring my swimmers as there was a pool on the premises…

    It started off pretty good – I was nervous, but the people were friendly & it was a very social & jovial atmosphere… about 40 people or so, in various states of undress…

    I’d never seen so many naked people in the same place in my life!! But – I dealt with it like a mature human being…

    After picking my jaw up off the floor & screwing my eyeballs back in my head, we mingled a bit…

    But – it was a hot day… a hot, stinkin’,sweatin’, balls-sticking-to-the-inside-of-your-leg Australia Day kind of a day…

    And there was a pool right there! Filled with naked women!!

    At this point in my life I had been naked in front of maybe 3 people…and 1 of those was a Doctor!

    I was painfully aware of my 50yr old Dad-bod…

    My body hair…

    The distinct lack of a 6 pack like everyone on TV has!

    No-one had ever mistaken me for Brad Pitt…

    But – new beginnings & all that…

    So – instead of getting changed into my swimmers, I just stripped  naked..

    And waited…

    Waited for the conversations to stop like in an old Western movie.

    Waited for people to notice & point & laugh, to show their disgust…

    But…no-one noticed…

    Not one person took the slightest bit of interest in another naked man at a Swingers’ party…

    And then it hit me…

    Nobody cared!!!

    It sounds rude – but the fact that nobody paid me the slightest bit of notice was so freeing!!

    I had one of those life-changing moments… you know – where the light bulbs pops up over your head & you realise something that fundamentally changes the way you look at life?

    We spend so much time & energy worrying about what other people think of us – how we look, what we say, what we do, what we think – that it can drives us crazy!!

    But the truth is – most people in your life AREN’T thinking about you at all!!

    Most people aren’t thinking about you at all!!

    Do you know how I know this? Because – they’re too busy thinking about what OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF THEM!!

    See – we like to think that we leave an indelible impression on people, and that they spend hours & hours with us on their minds… it’s know as Main Character Syndrome… To us – from our perspective – we are the Main character of our story… So it would follow that we are the Main Character from other people’s perspective, right?

    But, the truth is, most people are just trying to live their own lives – they haven’t got time to worry about us!!

    They, NOT US, are the Main Character in their own stories…

    And that – surprisingly,  can be very liberating…

    Once you understand that the vast majority of people are wrapped up in their own little worlds to worry about you & your shit – you stop worrying about a lot of unnecessary things…

    Things that really aren’t important at all…

    Its wasn’t until a few weeks later that I figured out that this “Lifestyle” (some people hate this word – but I think it’s apt…) has a lot more going for it than just casual sex with strangers… if I was prepared to listen & be honest with myself – I could learn a lot…

  • NEWS JUST IN!!! WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT THAN MEN!!!

    This is one for the guys out there…

    Especially guys that might be having trouble making those connections with women…

    How do you get the attention of these fascinating creatures? How do you stand out from the seemingly endless crowd of other single guys out there?

    Well – DON’T SEND DICK PICS FOR ONE!!!!!!!!

    This seems like it should go without saying – but sadly it’s still a problem…according to a lot of the women I talk to…

    I think it all comes from a common problem that many guys don’t seem to be aware of – and that is simply: 

    women don’t think like men…

    While it’s extremely important to treat people the same – regardless of their sex, religion, sexual orientation and all the other things that make us interesting…

    It is also important to recognise that there are differences between the sexes – broad, non-specific differences that don’t always apply to every single person – but still generally apply I believe…

    We men are pretty simple creatures…

    I, for instance – like boobs…

    Boobs are great!! They apeal to the 14yr old boy that lives insides me!

    I also like pictures of boobs – big boobs, little boobs, boobs young & old!

    Looking at boobs can get me excited… becuase I am a simple man…

    Women – are not men…

    They don’t appreciate pictures like we do…they don’t react to visual stimulation as we do…

    To stimulate a women – you must appeal to a different part of their body – their mind!

    Barring the exceptions – the vast majority of women out their in the scene – whether its Swinging or just dating – don’t appreciate unsolicited dick pics…

    Now – if you’ve been communicating with a lady, and she asks for a photo of your tackle – thats a totally different situation & by all means swnd her all the dic pics she desires!!

    Dress it up – put a little hat on it – maybe a scarf?

    But if you’re trying to engage with a new woman – don’t lead with your genitals – not unless it looks like Pedro Pascal!!

    Do you understand that they are literally BOMBAREDED BY DICKS!!

    Every time they open their app – its just cock, cock, cock & more cock!!!

    Their inboxes are jam-packed with unwanted cock…

    The amount of undesired knobs that invade their phones is ridiculous…

    And most of them don’t like it… Let’s face it – the penis is not a pretty thing…

    And if all you’ve got to offer is an erect penis – no wonder she swiped left!!

    Even if she is after a quickie, a hook-up or a one-night stand – give her something else to remember you by…

    Which leads me onto the next issue…

    If you don’t have any female friends – you are missing out big time!!

    If you don’t have mates that regularly sit down to pee – you are neglecting an awesome source of information!!!

    I’ll put this as simply as I can for the guys in the back…

    The more female friends you have – you more sex you will get!!

    Do I have your attention now guys?

    Unless you’re one of these Alpha-bros who split women up into “Would” and “Not Yet” – you’ll understand that being able to understand another person’s point of view is invaluable in today’s world…

    If you only listen to people who look & sound like you do – you’ll only end up with people who look & sound like you…

    You need to expand your horizons, embrace those differences that make life interesting…

    I always say you can only see out of your own eyes…But you can always understanding & empathy for people other than yourself…

    And the more you understand things from a lady’s perspective, the better you’ll be able to connect with her…

    And isn’t that the name of the game?

  • EXCESSIVE LABIA

    This is a story I heard on a podcast many years ago..

    And I think it directly reflects one of the many issues surrounding body-image issues that exist in our culture…

    So – in the early 2000’s there were magazines in Australia that catered for “Blokes”… Boofy, boozy, bogan Bloke’s… “People”, “Picture” & later “Zoo” all walked the line between porn & good taste…

    Hell – good taste be dammed!! Topless, big-breasted beauties were the name of the game… often blonde, always wasp-waisted & never burdened with too many pesky “thoughts” – you get the idea…

    One of the favourite section of the magazine (which I only read for the articles, I swear!!) was the Home Girls/Reader’s Wives  section where, wives & girlfriends of readers would send in topless or fully nude pictures of themselves to win like $50…

    Now here’s were it gets’ interesting…

    Under the Australian censorship laws at the time – to maintain their R rating as a magazine & not get pushed into an X rating – they were forbidden to show “Excessive labia”…

    I don’t know if it was ever described what was or what wasn’t excessive – but as a result of this the nude photos of WAGS would often have to be retouched with early Photoshop techniques…

    So now we have a situation where a large percentage of women aren’t watching porn…

    They’re not watching DVDs or reading porn magazines..

    But – they’ll happily browse through hubby’s copy of Zoo while on the loo (pre- smart phone days)…

    And they see these pictures of naked women,  and they look – as one does….

    And some of them look at the pictures & think “Well, MY bits don’t look like that… my bits don’t look like any of these women!”

    Then, because we all (but especially women) have been conditioned to believe that they can’t fit the extremely narrow beauty standards set by ‘society’ – they worry…

    The worry that THEY are not normal – whatever normal is anyway…

    As a result of this – plastic surgery rates increased markedly…

    Women underwent surgery to reduce the size of their labias – Labiaplasty…

    So – women paid for someone to cut off bits of their sexual organs to look more like the women in the magazines – WHO DIDN’T LOOK LIKE THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE!

    And we wonder why body dysmorphia is so prevalent these days…

  • The Beauty of A Mature Lady…

    Having become single later in my life, and finding this lifestyle, one thing that continually frustrates me is the assumption that women become less attractive as they get older…

    I have recently become to realise – not having lived as a woman – that by the time a lady reaches her 50’s, she’s been subjected to well over 4 decades of societal pressure to condition her…

    Billions & billions of dollars have been spent to convince you through advertising, movies, TV & popular culture what society finds ‘pretty’…

    Entire industries have been set up to profit on produced insecurities…

    She’s been bombarded with messages, from a very young age – to enforce the idea that her worth as a woman – as a human being – is directly dependent on her physical attractiveness… a very narrow set of arbitrary rules determined by a handful of people who directly profit from it…

    Woman have been taught be fine with being sexualised in all aspects of society – except for their own acceptance of their desires…

    As a result of this, women have been, well, fucked up well & truly!!!
    When – they should just be well fucked!!! (See what I did there? 🤣)

    They don’t feel attractive, they often don’t feel comfortable with their sexuality – because there been told over & over & over again that they’re too old, too fat, for men to ever find them sexy…

    Well, fuck that I say!!!

    I won’t pretend to talk for ALL men (not ALL men 🤣😅), but I can say with 100% sincerity that what I find sexy, as a 54yr old man, has changed immensely over the years…

    And don’t forget that men have also been bombarded with those same images and been told what we SHOULD find attractive… Porn is jam-packed with fake blondes with fake books & even faker smiles…and it does take some effort to shake ourselves of this outlook..

    And sadly not all men can & do…

    But some of us do.

    We grow.

    We evolve.

    We understand that there is more to a women than a dress size…

    We may have met some really conventionally attractive people & recognised that so many of them are extremely shallow & vacuous… Surprisingly, it seems that a flat stomach & tight skin doesn’t always equate to a good-hearted & empathetic person…

    Again – somewhat surprisingly – it turns out that beauty doesn’t fit a rather narrow standard, and that beauty is subjective.. It means different things to different people…

    ‘Sexy’ isn’t a number – it’s a feeling, a way of being…

    If you’ve ever been to a Burlesque show – you’ll understand what I’m saying…

    A lot of Burlesque dancer’s are NOT skinny, size 6 swimwear models…

    But are they sexy? Fuck yeah they are!!! And they know it – which makes them more sexier!!!

    So – this is for all you lovely, sexy wonderful women out there with real bodies:
    Please, please PLEASE!!!

    SHOW US THE RESPECT AS MEN TO LIKE WHAT WE LIKE…

    We know you don’t like the muffin top, or the way your thighs goes when you sit down..
    But do you know something?
    We DONT CARE ABOUT THAT… Most of the time we don’t even see it…

    You see what you think are your flaws, we see the beauty that shines within…
    The glint in your eyes…
    The way your nose crinkles when you smile…
    The way your bum looks when you bend over to pick something up from the floor!

    Let us like what we Like… 😊

    Beauty is not only just Not skin-deep – but a combination of so many different things!!

  • Hello World!

    Well, what do you say?

    I’m a man, middle 50’s, coming to terms with being single after a 30yr vanilla marriage ended about 4 years ago…

    Luckily for me I found the Swinging Lifestyle (Yes – I know some people don’t like that term!) and have learnt so much about life, others and myself that its not funny!!!

    With the help aof a lot of fantastic, patient & accepting people, I’ve started to find my place in life – and become comfortable with who I am and who I can be…