This isn’t going to be pleasant or funny or easy to read – but I need to get these thoughts out as I am struggling…
I am going to talk about the Cornell University rape saga – so if you do not wish to read or think about this & the issues raised – please stop reading now…
If you haven’t been following, a recent case came out of Cornell University in America where in 2024 a young woman – (and I’m going to throw the ‘allegedly’ in here because the matter is yet to be dealt with in Court and then not worry about saying it again) was taken into a fraternity house, plied with alcohol, given drugs and raped repeatedly by up to 7 young men… There was also a WhatsApp message sent out to a group of around 50 other young men – I believe of the same fraternity – announcing “Free pussy”…
This is the story that is now emerged on the media and subsequently has gotten very big on social media – particularly the parts where no charges were apparently ever held against any of the men involved, but the University expelled 2 of the men and others have administrative measures – including having to write essays about, well – we dont know at this point…
I’m not going to go into too much detail – because firstly the truth is still to be determined at this stage – but, and more importantly – the issue I need to talk about is not this specific case – although its obviously related…
Depending on which report you accept – somewhere between 50% & 100% of all women have experiences some form of sexual assault in their lives…
I have a good friend who has worked in the space for decades who states its going to be the higher number and I tend to believe her…
And if course the term ‘sexual assault’ is a very broad one & encompasses a wide range of unacceptable behaviours – from being cat-called on the street, groped on a crowded bus to being raped…
And I think this is something that distorts the figures at time – either accidentally or intentionally… we’ve got to agree with the terminology we are using – and that we are using & that everyone is talking about the same thing…numbers & terms get bandied around, especially on social media where nuance is a forgotten concept….I know I’ve probably been guilty of it myself – getting outraged at some new claim without checking the source or the accuracy of the figures…
Figures such as ‘98% of all violent crimes are committed by men’…
Which is NOT the same as’ 98% of ALL men commit violent crimes…’
Statistics can be used to make pretty much any argument these days – because you can just pick & choose & find numbers that back up your point of view – and feel justified!
Recently I had what turned out to be a relationship-ending discussion with a guy who’s point was ‘Saying it’s ALL men actually doesn’t solve or help solve the problem, and might in affect ‘make’ some men – especially younger, impressionable men – think ‘Well, they all think I’m a piece of shit anyway – so…’
Which is an excellent and very valid point that does need to be addressed…
The unfortunate part in my opinion is he made this arguement on a post I had made women comparing men to guns – in that they need to treat them ALL as dangerous because they DO NOT KNOW WHO THE BAD ONES ARE…
And this is the crux of the matter – and the very real difficulty we can have as men…We simply do not – and possibly cannot understand the fear that women deal with, live with & exist with on a permanent basis…
As men we are priveleged – sometimes privileged enough to not even recognise the privelege that we have – because we do not have the same fears that women do in the same ways..
A friend of mine told me recent that he will not get onto an elevator if there is a single woman alone in there – because he realises that he as a large unit of a man – poses a threat to her not because of WHO he is… but because of WHAT he is…
HE knows he doesn’t pose a threat to her – but he is self-aware enough to know that SHE doesn’t know that, and he respects her need to feel fear and he is ego-less enough not to be threatened by this…
‘It’s not ALL men’ hits us differently because we are looking at the problem from two different points of view…
And it breaks my heart that there are the men out there that cannot or will not see it from any other perspective than their own…
If you haven’t been explicitly told by a woman that she was raped earlier in her life – that doesn’t mean it didnt happen!
If you haven’t been in a group of guys and they talked about getting women drunk & raping them – that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen!
Not knowing is NOT a defence that can be used!!
And I’m not not blaming men for not knowing this – but I DO blame men for not listening to women who are screaming this at us – begging us for help!!
I know men in my life – good, kind, decent respectful men…
Some of those men have children…
And I am 99% sure certain that the men I know would NEVER sexually assault their own children….
But – I am not 100% sure..
And that 1% has nothing at all to do with the individual men I know. It has nothing at all to do with them.
Its nothing they’ve ever said, or done.
It’s not an off-hand remark or a secret glance I’ve picked up on.
Its EVERY other man that has done terrible things.
Its the many thousands of cases that occur every year in every country on Earth.
That 1% kills me.
That 1% means I can never truly trust men…
“But its Not ALL MEN”
But its enough.
Its not ever Catholic Priest – but its enough Catholic Priests’ for everyone to understand what you mean…
This is what some men need to understand
But still the excuses come…
‘Well, she was drunk…’
‘But what was she wearing?’
‘Why didn’t she just leave?’
And the biggest one of all –
‘Why didn’t she report it?’
REPORT IT TO WHO??
When the leader of the Free world is a pussy-grabbin’ peadophile – why should women have ANY faith in the system apparently designed to protect them?
When time after time after time after time the system protects men & allows them to escape any kind of consequences for their actions..
‘He has a promising future ahead of him’…
But her future never even enters the equation….
Those 7 young men in Cornell – I don’t believe they are evil people. I’m sure they were raised by good parents who taught them the difference between right and wrong. I dont believe they were born with hate in their soul – but they are products of a culture that prioritises men so far over women that it is ridiculous…
So it’s all well & good to have a civil & logical discussion about the issues – but not when women are being raped and murdered with seemingly impunity!
Why women are not roaming the streets with torches & pitchforks boggles my mind! Could anyone even blame them at this stage? They are continued oppressed by the very system that exists to apparently protect them – from Fathers & Teachers and Clergy and Police Officers & Judges to Senators & Politicians…
Obviously substantial changes are needed – and its going to take more than 1 solution to fix what is wrong… and there is no 1 reason, no magic bullet solution that will fix it overnight…
Some men also – I think – fail to see the connection between what is happening to women – and what is befalling men – particularly younger men..
When you consider the issue of self-idendity, and trying to find your place in the world – its extremely difficult for young men as there is seemingly no end to the numbers of poor role models they are told they should look up to.
Looks and money and fame are touted as things they should be striving for – rather than having healthy emotional skills & connections with people. Women aren’t even really considered as equals – they’re more ‘things’ to get… to claim or to conquer by being an “Alpha” type!
And this type of thinking has been pushed at men for decades. Andrew Tate & his ilk are not a new phenomenon – they are just a more polished & monetised version of masculinity that has been pushed on us for hundreds of years… today’s version is more slick and produced – but the message is the same: Men are more important, better than and more valuable than women so don’t have to treat women in the same way you would treat a male counterparts….
It’s also no surprise that the rates of suicide disproportionately affect men over women – something in the order of 95%/5%..and there are many different reasons for this.. a lot, which I believe, fall at the feet of The Patriarchy and its insidious affect on society…
Consider the fact that so many men aren’t even allowed to HAVE emotions, let alone know how to deal with them! Emotions are seen as weaknesses, as feminine…
‘Stop being such a girl!’ &
‘Harden the fuck up, Princess!’ & my personal favourite ‘There’s no crying in baseball!!’
(A League of Their Own 1992)
A woman couldn’t be President – she’d be too emotional!
As opposed to the orange toddler we have now…
Its no wonder that such a big part of the population has problems regulating & dealing with emotions – which has such terrible consequences on everyone! Both men & women!!
As I write this, yesterday was the NRL Grand Final…
I was a footy fan for a big part of my life – but stopped following it about a decade ago for unrelated issues…
But these days – instead of rejoicing in the game or the sportsmanship, or the skills of the players – I’m acutely aware that incidences of Domestic Violence experience a 25% increase on Grand Final night…
But women are the emotional ones?
Not the men who choose to inflict physical violence on members of their household because one team moved a football better than another team?
And I was a copper for nearly 10 years! And this statistic shocked me!!
But in hindsight – is the number of points one group of men accumulated in a game a better or worse a reason to smack your wife in the face? Worse than being 5 minutes late with having dinner on the table?
I saw so many incidents that they all just blended together… time of day, day of the week- it didnt matter – what did matter was men felt entitled to physically assault women – but those same men when faced with a man? They’d shrivel up like old prune and I’d feel empowered.
Even then I failed to see the bigger picture.
I just used to think of them as ‘bad men’…
Evil men doing bad things…
But now I’m older I obviously see things differently… those men made choices..
Choices based on what they knew…
Based on what society led them to believe they were entitled to…
When a known rapist is made President, when men are hitting themselves in the face with hammers, when half a population is considered less important than the other half – we have a society in serious need of change.
I feel lost and unsure what to do.
I think a lot of men feel the same…
I dont think we can understand the level of anger & bitterness & dissapointment & just pure white-hot rage that women are feeling right now.
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