Journey of a Swingle guy

Compersion…

Chances are you haven’t heard this word a lot in your lifetime…

If you’ve never heard of it – Google it… go on – I’ll wait..🙂

Powerful little word, isn’t it?

Personally – I’d never heard of it until I’d been in the lifestyle for about a year… so I was around 52 years old…

52 years on this planet – and I’d never even heard of this word…

Which is weird – seeing as it’s described as the ‘opposite of jealousy’…

When you think about it – most emotions come in pairs – they have an opposite…

Happy/Sad,

Love/Hate,

Anticipation/Dissapointed…

But jealousy seems to exist on its own…

Which probably goes a long way to explain why it’s the default emotion for the majority of us when we’re in a situation where a partner shows interest in another…

I mean – how else are you supposed to feel?? 🤷‍♂️

Especially if you don’t know that there is another option available to you! A better option…

An option that instead of reducing the amount of joy & happiness in your life – actually increases it!!

It’s crazy, right?

But we in the lifestyle understand it – to varying degrees of course…

And its not easy.. it feels uncomfortable & unnatural at first – because it goes against everything we’ve been taught by society…

When my then wife came to me 4 & a bit years ago & told me she was in love with another man – I genuinely did not know what to feel…

I had no personal reference point for what I was going through – we’d been together since our early 20’s, she was my first serious relationship and I had no experience with these sorts of feelings…

The only things I knew was what I’d seen in movies & on TV…I was torn between falling dramatically to my knees in a dramatic rain storm & dramatically screaming to the heavens; to standing outside her house holding a stereo above my head in a dramatical,  yet futile attempt to win her back!

(I know this reference will be lost on most people – but to the 3 people that understand it? Are your knees sore too? 😊)

Luckily though, I managed to find a way out of the dark hole I was in – thanks mostly to the help of 2 wonderful people who showed me it wasn’t the end end – just the end of a chapter in my life…

Fast forward 2 or 3 years… I had been in the lifestyle, casually, for a bit – mostly as a single guy or somebodies +1 to events…

I met a lady, who I’ll call Wench…in a similar situation to me relationship-wise, and began seeing her – with the agreement that we were open to others, not exclusive to each other and were not looking for anything serious or long-term…

Mostly this was to protect myself from heartbreak – if I kept people at a distance, I’d be safe, right?

So strictly FWB situation from Day 1…

And its great. Wench & I are having a great time.. we hang out, and hook-up, explore different aspects of various things together & learn a lot – giggling stupidly as we do (I had questions!)

Then – as they often do, feelings turn up..

Which – when you stop & think about it – is what should happen! If you’re spending quality time with someone,  talking daily & being intimately intimate with them – and you DON’T  feel anything towards them? Then you my friend – are probably a physcopath!

But I’m having fun.. I’ve set my boundaries and I’m seeing & playing with other people, congratulating myself on being so emotionally mature… we’re going to parties – where we are both playing with others & having a great time…

We hear the term compersion somewhere – I don’t remember where sadly… we research it & discover what it truly means… the freedom it gives you…

I’m not exaggerating when I say it changed the way we look at the world… just to know that it is an actual thing – and it is possible to not feel jealous of your partners’ enjoyment was so liberating!

But – like anything worthwhile,  it took some hard work and uncomfortable conversations… mostly with ourselves…

I remember one particular week where Wench had organised a play date with a guy early in the week,  and then a dinner date a couple days later…

I was very surprised to find that the play date did not concern me – but that she was going out to dinner, did… somehow this was ‘more’ than sex…We had both come to a point where sex as play was fine – just some good fun that people can engage in without it having any serious or romantic overtones as in more vanilla situations…

Fortunately,  I saw this as an opportunity to grow – I’d recently seen a FB post about emotions being like muscles – they get stronger when you use them – so I was actually happy with the opportunity to deal with these feelings….

Rather than feel like I was missing out on her, I was able to enjoy her happiness and feel joy out of her joy – I literally doubled my happiness!! This hit me like a brick to the head!!

The realisation that I was happy for her – not sad for myself – was so powerful, so liberating that I immediately told my cat…

Who did not care in the way that only cats can….😅

And it is work, and it is communicating with your partner, and being honest about what you feel – and probably the most important thing – its NOT, “not” feeling jealousy…

It’s about being able to handle those feelings, and find a way to the other side of them, finding a way to deal with your own ego…

And for me – it gets easier every time…

Wench is out enjoying herself, meeting new & interesting people  and living her best life – and I not only support her – but revelling in her enjoyment!!

As someone that enjoys giving pleasure, seeing her smiling face, or even her sweaty face when she’s engaging in some skin-on-skin fun – never fails to bring a smile to mine…

And I know our story isn’t everyone’s, and our situation does make it easier because we are not ‘Forever Partners’… but we have met couples like that – at various stages of their own journey, and can readily attest that it is possible…

Sadly, I guess its not for everyone…for a thousand reasons some people won’t be able to handle it… just like Swinging isn’t for everybody…

But I do wish that more people knew of Compersion, and understood it better – because it is an amazing thing and can greatly benefit people’s lives.

Sorry for the novel folks – but this is something that I am passionate about, and really hope that I can spread the word about this so more people can increase their own level of happiness!!

Stay safe guys & keep swingin’!