Journey of a Swingle guy

Just me, writing about stuff I'm learning…

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about

Swingle man. 55 yrs, recently (4 yrs) divorced & looking at life anew… Finding my way through the lifestyle & the world of kink, discovering new things about myself & the world all the time!

  • CURSE OF THE WOMBAT

    HINTS FOR SINGLE GUYS!!!

    Alrighty then – single guys… this one goes out to you!!

    Listen up & I’ll share a few secrets I’ve picked up over the past couple of years that will make your lives easier, & lead to better interactions for everyone.

    And, before any of you sookie baby-men start with “It’s not me, I’m a Nice Guy” or worse “It’s not ALL Guys” let’s get one thing cleared up right away…

    Yes – it’s not all men…

    But it’s almost always men.

    What does that mean?

    If you’ve ever been to a club or a private party, how many times has a woman caused a drama?

    Yes- it certainly does happen…. but I’d say 80-90% of the times it’s us guys…

    So- what are we doing wrong?

    Firstly – just acting creepy…

    Just stop it. Don’t know the vibe you’re trying to send, but it ain’t working. Don’t stand beside the bed with your cock out & stare at women. Don’t wait for play to start with others & then try to sneak in afterwards, or cop a cheap feel..

     JUST FUCKING STOP IT!!!!

    If you can’t talk to a woman, & have a bit of a conversation with them – maybe work on that part first…

    And – speaking as someone with social anxiety, yes – it can be 100% uncomfortable – but it needs to be done..

    Women, for the most part – are funny creatures… They actually like to connect with a potential partner first before allowing them inside their bodies…

    IKR?

    So – what do you say? How do you talk to women?

    Start small – say hello… Look for any interest…

    Compliment her on her outfit – not the size of her breasts… She probably knows her tits are awesome… You’re not telling her anything she doesn’t already know!!

    Her hair, her outfit – even her perfume… And be genuine! Be honest and respectful…

    One of the best introductions I ever heard was a guy saying to a lady “I never know how to start a conversation with women as pretty as you…” and he meant it! It wasn’t just a line…

    By being honest means accepting that you’re both at a play event.  I often find that asking people how they like to play can be a good ice-breaker – if done respectfully of course…

    You never know – they could be looking for someone like you…

    Secondly – treat couples with respect… Every couple has their own dynamic & their own way of playing…Peronally – I don’t ask for permission from the guy if I wish to play with the female partner – but I do understand the need to show…respect? It’s something I struggle to out into words… I’m not asking him for permission to play with her, but again trying to be respectful of people’s dynamics…and that’s more for me… I don’t want to get in the middle of anyones’ dramas!

    “But Jai!” I hear you ask – “How am I to know what the rules are if everyone’s different??“

    Good question Mr Imaginary- why not ask them?  

    It’s a radical approach I grant you – but if you take time to engage with both people – & ask them with your words – you might be surprised at what you will find out!

    The couple may be in a Dom/sub dynamic, where even if the lady wants to play with you – their particular dynamic is she may need to check in with her partner first…

    WHAT YOU DON’T DO!!! Make idle chit-chat with the couple, & then put the hard word on the lady as soon as the guy goes to the bar, or to have a piss… It’s cowardly & shows a lack of respect…

    Be more than just a dick…

    And by that I mean – develop a personalty that’s not dependent your penis – as impressive as you think it is!!

    I know we all watch porn and we are told that ‘bigger is better’ – but if you ask women – they are not always impressed with length or girth… Some women will actually reject a penis that is too big!!

    Don’t be a Wombat!

    What’s a Wombat in this context you may ask?

    A Wombat is a guy who eats, roots & leaves…

    He cums, then he goes…

    And fine – if all you’re looking for is a quick root – fantastic, good for you… But you’re not getting an invite back  to our parties again… We much prefer people who are geniune in looking at making connections with other people…

    Swinging is not about Sex…

    Swinging is about finding other people who vibe like you do… making friends – being able to really be free to express yourself in a group of people without feeling uncomfortable…

    If all you want is your dick wet – move along sunshine – you’re taking a spot from someone better…

    Understand that Consent is sexy if you want it to be… Like with most things – its often more about the delivery than the message itself… Take time to establish boundaries, desires & wants before engaging in play..

    Why?

    Put very simply – women feel safer when listened to.. Safe women are Happy women…

    Happy women are horny women… 

    Well – hopefully I’ve ruffled a few feathers with this one.  Feel free to comment if you disagree!! Now – go and get some Happy in ya!

  • PERILS OF A SINGLE GUY…

    As a somewhat single guy in the lifestyle (I have a extremely lovely GFWB but we also happily play as individuals ) and as a particularly introverted one – I wanted to share with the other single & newbie guys out there some of the things I have I have learned over the past few years that have helped me overcome some of my social anxieties and have helped me better relate to the lovely ladies…

    First of all – if you’re at a party, Munch or other type of Event – CONGRATULATIONS!!!

    That’s a big step – you’re putting yourself out there, which has got to be one of the hardest things to do!! Actually walking in the door for the first time can be terrifying!!!

    My first ever Event was just a Meet & Greet at a local pub – so no play or anything to worry about…

    Still…

    Luckily for me I had recently met a lady who was in a similar position to me – except WAAAAYYY better looking than me!!

    We still sat in the car for 20 mins tossing up between just driving home and taking the plunge…

    ‘What were we thinking? We’re far too Old & Ugly to be Swingers – they’re all young & fit & beautiful and we’re not!!!”

    Luckily – we managed to find 20 seconds of Courage (Thanks to Matt Damons’ character in ‘We Bought a Zoo’… “You know, sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, just literally 20 seconds of embarassing bravery, and I promise you great will come of it…” and walked through the front door to be met with… normal, everyday people?

    No hairy-chested men with too many gold medallions and too tight pants…

    No ‘gorgeous models’ – just real people. People like you and me – people with jobs & kids and leaky pipes and a healthy attitude towards sex…

    So if you manage to walk into that room – fucking Fantastic!!

    As a lifetime introvert, I couldn’t help feeling self-conscious about my hairy, 50yr old Dad-bod… I didn’t have abs, or those things down the sides of the men in magazines – the only things I lifted was cheesecake so obviously women wouldn’t be attracted to me, right?

    The naked truth is both disconcerting and extremely freeing – and its so obvious that its often overlooked… So I need you to listen closely to what I’m about to tell you…

    Come a bit closer – that’s it – closer – I won’t bite…

    PEOPLE AREN’T THINKING ABOUT YOU!!!!

    People – just like you – have a Lot of Shit going on in their lives… and you and you less-than-perfect body don’t even make the Top 50 most of the time!!!

    Plus – and here’s the funny bit – most people are too worried about what Other people are thinking about Them to worry about YOU!

    IKR? – how rude!

    There’s a concept I recently learned about – I don’t know if its a ‘real’ thing or just one of those social media theories that come around now again…

    ‘Main Character Syndrome’ – simply put its a point of view that we have where we are the main character of our own stories, and can easily forget that in Other peoples’ stories – we are just a side character – not the Hero… which is not a bad thing – but can be a bit of a hit to our egos…

    My first proper Play Event was an Australia Day Pool party… I was the +1 to a friend who was more experienced than me…

    I took my swimmers with me – but just as the time came to hop in the water – I took a deep breath and bit the bullet… There were probably 30-40 people there – in various stages of undress…

    As I stripped naked in front of strangers for the first time in my 50+ years, I waited for the outcries… for people to start laughing and pointing at my naked, hairy body and limp, definitely non-porn star sized cock… for the music to come to a screeching halt and everyone to look at me…

    Aaaand….

    Nothing…

    Nobody even batted an eyelid…

    Nobody paid me the slightest bit of attention – which – after a brief moment of confusion – was soooo freeing & enlightening…

    I had one of those ‘Lightbulb moments’ – one of them ‘Epiphany things (which I always thought was a Greek desert – but apparently not!)… I wasn’t anything special – just another person in the Lifestyle , being accepted by people for who I was – not what I Looked like!

    I finally realised what so many people had said during my life… I had wasted so much time in my life worrying about what Other people had thought of me – when the simple truth was they simply weren’t…

    This took so much pressure off me – and allowed me to just enjoy being me, and the ability to find the best version of me there was…

    I can truly say that as long as you are open and honest – firstly with yourself and then with other people – you’ll enjoy your life a lot more…

    So – you’ve found the courage and are at a party…

    You’re being yourself, and have enjoyed a lively conversation with a lovely lady that you wouldn’t mind getting to know a bit better…

    You ask her if she’d like to play/ take things into the bedroom/ do the horizontal mambo – however you put it! And she says no…

    Time to leave then. Put your shoes back on & dissapear into the night… Sad music following you as you slink off alone… Right?

    Thats’ one option certainly….or you can understand that a rejection isn’t always an indictment of you as a person…

    Oh – it can certainly can be! But it can also be one of a mllion other reasons because we aren’t the centre of the Universe… a lesson some people would do good to learn!!!

    Lets face it – unless you’ve done something big & bold, you’re probably not going to elicit that kind of reaction from somebody…

    So many times it’s NOT personal – so try not to take it that way…

    How? By realising that there are so many factors that may affect a person’s – and at the risk of being called sexist, particularly women – desire to play at a given moment…

    Whilst also importantly respecting the fact that No means No, and that No is a complete sentence and that no woman ‘owes’ you an explanation…

    This is a short list of reasons why a person might not want to play at that particular moment:

    It’s too hot in the room,

    It’s too cold in the room,

    The chicken wings just came out of the oven and she’s hungry (and not for cock!),

    They not long ago finished playing & aren’t ready to another round just yet,

    They’ve got their eye on someone else,

    You look like her sons’ best friend,

    You look like her son/brother/ex-boyfriend

    Their partner said what?,

    Shelley just said something really funny & interesting,

    Your cologne /perfume reminds them of someone they don’t like..,

    They’re looking for a different sort of experience tonight and its just not you…,

    She been hit on by 12 blokes so far and is just over it!,

    She’s having anxiety issues because she just noticed a bulge under her lingerie and feels ugly,

    Her hair just wont sit properly,

    She feels bloated, or dizzy, or fat, or out of place…

    The list goes on and on and on… a thousand reasons that don’t involve you in any way…

    But it’s human nature to put ourselves at the top of the list – unfortunately, particularly guys can have problems dealing with perceived rejection…

    But – if you can leave your ego at the door with your shoes – you can move past this small issue and continue to enjoy your experience.

    Lastly – I’ll say this… This is a journey of many small steps…

    Everybody will take different steps of different sizes…

    Your journey is yours alone & only you know how fast you travel…

    Have fun everyone!!!

  • DOUBLE THE PLEASURE, DOUBLE THE FUN!

    Compersion…

    Chances are you haven’t heard this word a lot in your lifetime…

    If you’ve never heard of it – Google it… go on – I’ll wait..🙂

    Powerful little word, isn’t it?

    Personally – I’d never heard of it until I’d been in the lifestyle for about a year… so I was around 52 years old…

    52 years on this planet – and I’d never even heard of this word…

    Which is weird – seeing as it’s described as the ‘opposite of jealousy’…

    When you think about it – most emotions come in pairs – they have an opposite…

    Happy/Sad,

    Love/Hate,

    Anticipation/Dissapointed…

    But jealousy seems to exist on its own…

    Which probably goes a long way to explain why it’s the default emotion for the majority of us when we’re in a situation where a partner shows interest in another…

    I mean – how else are you supposed to feel?? 🤷‍♂️

    Especially if you don’t know that there is another option available to you! A better option…

    An option that instead of reducing the amount of joy & happiness in your life – actually increases it!!

    It’s crazy, right?

    But we in the lifestyle understand it – to varying degrees of course…

    And its not easy.. it feels uncomfortable & unnatural at first – because it goes against everything we’ve been taught by society…

    When my then wife came to me 4 & a bit years ago & told me she was in love with another man – I genuinely did not know what to feel…

    I had no personal reference point for what I was going through – we’d been together since our early 20’s, she was my first serious relationship and I had no experience with these sorts of feelings…

    The only things I knew was what I’d seen in movies & on TV…I was torn between falling dramatically to my knees in a dramatic rain storm & dramatically screaming to the heavens; to standing outside her house holding a stereo above my head in a dramatical,  yet futile attempt to win her back!

    (I know this reference will be lost on most people – but to the 3 people that understand it? Are your knees sore too? 😊)

    Luckily though, I managed to find a way out of the dark hole I was in – thanks mostly to the help of 2 wonderful people who showed me it wasn’t the end end – just the end of a chapter in my life…

    Fast forward 2 or 3 years… I had been in the lifestyle, casually, for a bit – mostly as a single guy or somebodies +1 to events…

    I met a lady, who I’ll call Wench…in a similar situation to me relationship-wise, and began seeing her – with the agreement that we were open to others, not exclusive to each other and were not looking for anything serious or long-term…

    Mostly this was to protect myself from heartbreak – if I kept people at a distance, I’d be safe, right?

    So strictly FWB situation from Day 1…

    And its great. Wench & I are having a great time.. we hang out, and hook-up, explore different aspects of various things together & learn a lot – giggling stupidly as we do (I had questions!)

    Then – as they often do, feelings turn up..

    Which – when you stop & think about it – is what should happen! If you’re spending quality time with someone,  talking daily & being intimately intimate with them – and you DON’T  feel anything towards them? Then you my friend – are probably a physcopath!

    But I’m having fun.. I’ve set my boundaries and I’m seeing & playing with other people, congratulating myself on being so emotionally mature… we’re going to parties – where we are both playing with others & having a great time…

    We hear the term compersion somewhere – I don’t remember where sadly… we research it & discover what it truly means… the freedom it gives you…

    I’m not exaggerating when I say it changed the way we look at the world… just to know that it is an actual thing – and it is possible to not feel jealous of your partners’ enjoyment was so liberating!

    But – like anything worthwhile,  it took some hard work and uncomfortable conversations… mostly with ourselves…

    I remember one particular week where Wench had organised a play date with a guy early in the week,  and then a dinner date a couple days later…

    I was very surprised to find that the play date did not concern me – but that she was going out to dinner, did… somehow this was ‘more’ than sex…We had both come to a point where sex as play was fine – just some good fun that people can engage in without it having any serious or romantic overtones as in more vanilla situations…

    Fortunately,  I saw this as an opportunity to grow – I’d recently seen a FB post about emotions being like muscles – they get stronger when you use them – so I was actually happy with the opportunity to deal with these feelings….

    Rather than feel like I was missing out on her, I was able to enjoy her happiness and feel joy out of her joy – I literally doubled my happiness!! This hit me like a brick to the head!!

    The realisation that I was happy for her – not sad for myself – was so powerful, so liberating that I immediately told my cat…

    Who did not care in the way that only cats can….😅

    And it is work, and it is communicating with your partner, and being honest about what you feel – and probably the most important thing – its NOT, “not” feeling jealousy…

    It’s about being able to handle those feelings, and find a way to the other side of them, finding a way to deal with your own ego…

    And for me – it gets easier every time…

    Wench is out enjoying herself, meeting new & interesting people  and living her best life – and I not only support her – but revelling in her enjoyment!!

    As someone that enjoys giving pleasure, seeing her smiling face, or even her sweaty face when she’s engaging in some skin-on-skin fun – never fails to bring a smile to mine…

    And I know our story isn’t everyone’s, and our situation does make it easier because we are not ‘Forever Partners’… but we have met couples like that – at various stages of their own journey, and can readily attest that it is possible…

    Sadly, I guess its not for everyone…for a thousand reasons some people won’t be able to handle it… just like Swinging isn’t for everybody…

    But I do wish that more people knew of Compersion, and understood it better – because it is an amazing thing and can greatly benefit people’s lives.

    Sorry for the novel folks – but this is something that I am passionate about, and really hope that I can spread the word about this so more people can increase their own level of happiness!!

    Stay safe guys & keep swingin’!

  • Laughing when Naked

    Recently my GFWB (GirlFriend With Benefits!) & I went out to dinner with a newbie couple that attended one of our parties…

    Lovely people – the conversation flowed easily, and the laughter was raucous, and the flirting was apparent…

    I was pontificating  – as I often do – estoling the many benefits of the Lifestyle – and how much it had improved my life…

    A thought popped into my head (well – there IS plenty of room in there!😊😅) and I think I may have stumbled onto if not THE key to the Swinging lifestyle – but at least A main component…

    The ability to Laugh when Naked!

    When you stop & think about it – it makes perfect sense!!

    Apart from with your own partner – where else can you feel comfortable enough to laugh & be silly when you’re naked with another human? If you pick up someone at a pub or other vanilla-type venue – there’s always something holding you back from being your genuine, honest self… be it ego or fear of judgement or just plain trying to impress your partner…

    Its only really when you feel comfortable in the lifestyle where those things can be ignored  – for me anyway..

    This specifically stems from a par ty held by good friends just after Easter…

    At some stage of the night,  I looked into one of the playrooms and was met with a curious site – a naked couple on the bed, at it hammer & tongs as is there want, in doggy-style…

    What made this particular scene memorable was that the man was wearing a ridiculous rabbit-type hat with floppy ears, which popped up and down with each thrust!!!

    The scene was just so ridiculous!

    People enjoying each other’s body, feeling relaxed & comfortable enough to be silly while doing it…

    This is the beauty of the Lifestyle  – feeling free to be silly – to be sexy – to be whatever you want to!!! And to be able to surround yourself with people who not only won’t judge you – but celebrate you for who you are! No matter if you don’t fit into societies narrow guidelines. 

    The ability to walk into a room of relative strangers,  and feel comfortable and safe enough to undress yourself both physically & emotionally is, for me, one of the main reasons I love this lifestyle, and has allowed me to grow so much as a person…

    And! Boobies!!!

    Let’s not forget them – lovely, jumbly boobies of all shapes, sizes & colours!!!

  • ADVENTURES IN SEXYLAND…

    Many years ago, when I was still married, I got a job managing an Adult Shop in Southport, on the Gold Coast..

    My father knew the owners of the store, and they were looking for a man to work the counter with Schoolies coming up… so, I got a job in SexyLand (not the real name!!)

    Most of the time, it was a pretty normal job – managing stock, dealing with customers – the usual retail bullshit…

    But – occasionally something happened that reminded me I wasn’t working in Coles!!

    A lot of our business came from DVD rental… we had the typical ‘back room’ of adult DVD’S for sale, divided into categories – but we also rented them out.

    (Because who’s watching a porno right the way through??) So people – mostly blokes but the occasional couple, would come get their 5 for $50 for a week…

    One of our regulars was a guy who was a deaf mute. I mean – I’m assuming he was mute – conversation was a struggle but we managed to understand each other. What no-one told me was that about once a month, he’d get super horny, and want to organise an escort – as you do!

    The most natural thing in the world – except for the fact that he’d bring in the local paper with the Adult ads at the back, and ask me to ring & make the arrangements! The first time I felt very out of my comfort zone! I was a married man – I hadn’t talked to a sex worker for some time!!

    But the funniest thing was when I was talking to the lady, and explained what the situation was,  she asked me what he was after – after all – she’s running a business here!

    So I looked at the guy, and asked him what he was after.

    And with a big cheesy grin on his face, he mimed a pair of breasts… But not just any breasts – huge, mountainous bazookas, massive chest-puppies, massive mammories  – you get the picture…

    That – I could’ve dealt with…

    If he’d left it at that I could have quite easily gone home and forgotten the incident… but – when he grabbed at his crotch, then turned around at pointed at his own bum – it took all my control not to laugh in his face!!

    Her reply?

    “Well – that will cost extra…”

    Another day I had a couple shady looking dudes in looking at the DVDs…

    And they just gave off bad vibes from the moment they walked in … subtle, furtive glances, whispered conversation  – they could’ve been more obvious if they had t-shirts that said “Shoplifters Anonymous”…

    So instead of waiting behind the counter, I moved to the dividing wall just the other side of the DVD racks, hoping to listen in on their nefarious plans.

    Unfortunately for all of us – one of them caught me watching them and I saw the look in his eye that told me he knew that I knew…

    Now – they’re at the very back of the store,  and I’m in the middle, between them & the exit–not directly in front of them, but off to the side, near where the dildos and butt-plugs are displayed..

    Got that?

    Good.

    So – they panic & start to run out of the store.

    I panic too – because I hadn’t thought any of this through properly, and reach for the closest thing to my hand.

    Now, time for a little history lesson: John Holmes was a old-school porn star – one of the founders… If you’ve seen the Mark Wahlberg movie ‘Boogie Nights’ this is heavily influenced by the life & career of John Holmes – who, in his day was said to have the biggest penis in Adult cinema!

    Why do I tell you this I hear you ask? Because – dear reader, the item closest to hand wasn’t a stick, or even the baseball bat we had behind the counter – but a life-size John Holmes dildo…

    14 inches of veiny rubber, including two good size testicles, sitting on the shelf next to its box, it felt good in my hand if I’m being honest… had a good heft to it–nice & solid. You could probably batter a buffalo to death with this thing I thought, as I chased the two thieves out the front door of the shop into the busy, lunch-time Southport crowd! I dont know who was more surprised – me, or the well-to-do, matronly lady, done up to the nines, suddenly confronted with a man waving a huge rubber penis on the footpath!!

    Along with the usual Adult store paraphernalia, we also used to sell these battery-powered graphic-equilizer type t-shirts. The kids used to wear them to raves I guess – they were fairly popular…

    So this one day this lovely Gold-Coast type lady comes in – tanned, bleach-blonde hair, fake lips, fake tits – you know what I’m saying…

    She grabs a shirt & says she wants to buy one, but would like to check the size…

    I say sure, and am just about to say she can use the staff toilet in the back if she’d like to, when she just whips off her shirt standing in front of me at the counter.

    No bra, so the girls are out in plain view…

    Now – I’ve never been mistaken for Brad Pitt or George Clooney… at this point I’m a happily married man – straight up & down…

    But there’s a half-naked lady standing in front of me, clearing wanting some kind of response…

    So my brain–because it obviously hates me–gives me this to say:

    “They’re nice… are they new?”

    Because they were, quite obviously, fake boobs…

    And–just like those Letters To Penthouse that I used to read by torchlight under the bed clothes– instead of slapping me, or getting angry, she smiles brightly and says “Oh yes, I just had them done.. Would you like to feel them?”

    Today, as I write this, I know the correct way to answer this without sounding creepy…

    Back then? The poor innocent version of me just shook my head & said “No thanks – I’m good”…

    Where were these ladies when I was 16???

  • “THE MOON OVER MORETON BAY…”

    This one’s going to be a bit of fun…I’m going to share some of the interesting & funny things that I’ve seen & done in the short time I’ve been in the lifestyle…

    All of these stories are 100% true – obviously names etc have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent!! 😊

    So my very first, honest-to-goodness Play Party… I’ve mentioned it before, but there are some other funny moments…

    I was in the pool chatting with a lovely lady, and one thing led to another as they often do, and we moved inside the house to find somewhere to play…

    Lots of other people had the same idea – and all the play spaces were pretty busy, so I suggested the shower… it was large enough, and it was a hot day, so I thought it would be nice… Fast forward maybe 10-15 minutes… things are going lovely… she’s touching her toes, I’m behind her having a grand old time – Until!! I move the wrong way and bump the tap… the water goes from lovely & warm to ice-cold in a heartbeat..

    My body reacts – as it is want to do – and she turns to me & says ‘Is that it?’ referring to my deflated & rapidly retreating member!

    Sadly – I had to admit that it was…🥶

    The same party, later that afternoon…there was cheering from one of the playroom, and applause…

    When I asked what was going on, someone told me that a young guy had just had his cherry popped, and his mother was so happy for him…

    His mother had bought her young, virgin son to a Swingers’ Party…

    Just to clarify – they didn’t play together – but with other people in the same room…

    Apparently his mother put on quite a show!

    I’m all for being honest & open with your kids, especially when it comes to sexuality & relationship etc – but that was just a tad too open for me…😅🤣

    3 years or so later, I’m on a friend’s catamaran on Moreton Bay… I was extremely fortunate to be introduced to two of the lovliest and most genuine humans I have ever met – and they had a boat!!

    They’d run little Lifestyle get-aways – usually long weekends…

    Those who know, know…😉

    Being lifestyle people – clothing is optional, so not long after clearing the harbour, off comes the majority of clothing…

    The feeling of the sun, the salt air & the lack of any judgement about my 50yr hairy dad bod was so freeing…

    And the company!

    Intelligent, articulate, experienced and sexually comfortable with each other – our hosts were fantastic and very sexy!

    We’d usually drop anchor off Moreton Island for the afternoon, and just laze about swimming & chatting & enjoying each other’s company…

    Now obviously we didn’t have the ocean to ourselves – there were others who also enjoyed the water, and also the sight of attractive, naked/semi naked women…

    This one’s afternoon a smaller yacht moored quite close to us – even though there was heaps of room in all directions… there was no real reason for them to be so close – except to perve…

    So – if he wanted an eyeful,  I’d give him one! Down came the jocks, and I stood proudly waving at him – in all my hirsute glory!!!

    Funnily enough, they moved away not long after…😅🤣😂

    This other time, a boat had moored a decent ways off, but the skipper decided to pop over in his dinghy (called a painter as I found out!) and visit us…

    Unfortunately for him, as he approached the rear of our boat (aft, starboard – whatever!!) he was greeted with the sight of my hairy arse stuck in the air as I was busily engaging in a bit of oral delight on the back deck!!

    Apparently he reversed course quick-smart and beat a hasty retreat!! Later on, one of my ship-mates remarked he was probably confused by the full moon so early in the afternoon!!

    Ahh, the life of a swinging man!!

  • DO CLOTHES MAKETH THE MAN?

    I’m part of a group that hosts Swingers’ Parties…

    It can be a bit of work, and things don’t always go as planned – (more on that later!) but one thing I’ve started noticing more & more is dress standards – particularly the difference between men & women…

    Obviously,  not everyone is the same – thank goodness for that! – some people love dressing up, for others it’s a bit of a chore…

    But either way – I think it’s important to understand the nature of the event you are attending…

    If you are heading out to a Swingers’ Party, with the intent of rubbing your bits against someone else’s bits, it would be in your best interest to present your bits in the best light possible!

    Now – this is an area where the ladies definitely have an advantage over us guys – there are many things they can do to make themselves even more beautiful than they already are…

    For us men – the options are more limited, but nevertheless as important…

    If you rock up in the same clothes you’d wear going shopping in, or to go to a beer garden, what image are you presenting?

    If you picked the first tshirt that was handy & passed the sniff-test – do you really expect anyone to be attracted?

    Or are you just banking on your obvious masculine energy to drive the ladies mad with desire?

    I’m not saying you need a top hat & tails – but at minimum a nice dress shirt & pants make a good impression…

    Oh – and shoes!

    Who the fuck thinks thongs are appropriate to wear to a Swingers’ Party – especially at night?

    Since I’ve spoken about the guys, I’ll say something about the ladies… Firstly – if you have or have had a female partner in your life – you’ll probably know how much time & effort they can go to to get ready for a night out.. the outfit, hair, make-up, waxing/shaving – they do it all!!

    Some more than others – which is 100% fine. Some ladies love to dress up in sexy lingerie – some ladies don’t…

    But they all deserve to be appreciated for the effort they put in!

  • The myth of Monogamy…

    There were certain things I was brought up to believe as absolute truths…

    There were 2 genders…

    Work hard, be honest and keep to yourself and you will succeed…

    And probably most importantly of all – you aren’t complete as a person until you find “THE ONE”!!!

    The person that completes you.. Your ‘Other Half’ The person who you fall head over heels in love with, get married & have a family with…

    Then you’re supposed to grow old together, buy a caravan and travel around Australia until…you die, I suppose?

    But – why then is the divorce rate in most developed countries running at nearly 40%? over 1/3 of all marriages fail for one reason or another…

    Could it possibly be that we put too much pressure on our partners to be everything that we need in life?

    Best Friend, Confidant, Lover, Therapist and more?

    Is it really fair to expect all this from 1 person? All the while dealing with the day-to-day stresses that Life continually throws at us in a non-ending barrage of trials, troubles & tribulations…

    Maybe – we expect too much from 1 person?

    After all – we are able to have more than 1 friend…because we understand that we get different things from different people…

    After my separation, the 1st lady I met was in a similar position to me – out of a long-term monogamous marriage and looking for something else.

    In fact she was adamant that she did not want another relationship ever again!! We spent countless hours discussing and debating what we were – because we both only had old thinking and reference points to compare to…Slowly, over time, I’ve realized that I don’t NEED another person in my life to feel complete – I need to find that within myself…

    You can be complete on your own…

    And – funnily enough, I have no desire to be needed by another…

    Wanted, on the other hand – is a different proposition!!

    How fantastic is it to be in someone’s life because they choose you?

    And that’s the beauty of the Swinging lifestyle… for me, it allows me to make connections with different people to get different things – and to be different things for different people too…

    If you haven’t heard the word before – I want you to google the word COMPERSION.

    It’s a word I only learned about a couple of years ago – which isn’t good enough…

    Basically – it’s the opposite of jealousy… being able to feel happiness in your partners’ happiness – particularly in a sexual context – which is pretty much the opposite of how we’re taught to react by society.

    Its sad to consider for the majority of my life this was never even an option I knew existed!! I’d seen enough movies & TV to think that I should react in a certain way  – without even knowing there was another option!!

    Which brings me back to my original point – if we can be complete within ourselves, who’s to say we can’t enjoy the company of more than one person in a relationship?

    And I’m not saying that monogamy doesn’t have it’s place – lots of people still manage to find happiness in them…

    But I am saying that maybe – possibly we can stop looking at it as the only option?

  • Consent – 20 Sexy Questions…

    I recently passed a milestone – 4 years since I attended my 1st ever Swingers Party…

    Which meant it was about 4 & a half years, roughly, since I discovered the lifestyle…

    I’ve been thinking of what I have learned in that time – and how its changed the way I look at life…

    Before any of this, I was married for nearly 30yrs… very vanilla, very monogamous… I sort of knew about swinging, and all that stuff – but that was for “other people”… not me…

    I even worked in an Adult Shop for a year, and saw all the magazines & movies, etc…

    When I separated from my wife (or – more accurately when she separated from ME!, lol) there wasn’t a conscious intent to get into the lifestyle  – again – it was for ‘other people’ – definitely not for blokes like me!

    It was something that sort of happened organically… You meet one person, then another, and then pretty soon you’re naked in a motel room with a dozen strangers!

    One thing that I soon realised was how open & honest swingers can be about topics that normal people don’t really talk about… Consent, for example…

    I knew what it was of course…but it hadn’t really been a thing I’d given much thought about…

    Being married, I’d gotten very used being knocked back – especially in the later years…

    If the ol’ ball & chain wasn’t in the mood – then it wasn’t happening… pure & simple…

    But it was never a topic of conversation – we never talked about it…

    But fast forward & I’m in the lifestyle & we’re talking about it ALL the time…

    Every party you go to, every interaction you have it’s an integral part of the discussion…

    And its fucking fantastic!!!

    One thing that really surprised me was how sexy I find Consent – and talking about it – especially with a prospective partner!!

    Oh, how stimulating it is – talking with someone about what you would like to do with them – and what they want to do back, and how done to them…🤤🤤🤤🤤

    Its definitely a fun part of foreplay!!

    I’ve heard some guys complain that its ‘limiting’ or it’s ‘dry & a mood-killer’ – but I don’t get that at all…

    You’re engaging with a woman (or couple, as the case may be) and finding out what they like & don’t like…what they want & what they don’t… could it get more sexy?? Talking about where you’re going to put your bits?

    Trust me guys – if you get to a point where a woman is telling you what she likes (and where!!) you need to listen!!

    Put your own needs aside for a bit, and listen to her words…

    For her words will light a path to Heaven…If you only know when to ask and when to shut up!!

    I want to discuss Consent in further detail – but I’ll save that for its own post I think…

  • Epiphany…Greek Goddess of Sudden Realisations!

    Australia Day 2022 was my first ever, proper Swingers Party…

    I’d been to a few Meet & Greets at pubs, and an impromptu party after one such Munch…

    But a proper, honest to God Swingers’ Party? Well, I never!!!

    A friend of mine, who I shall call Deb, invited me to a private party during the day, and told me to bring my swimmers as there was a pool on the premises…

    It started off pretty good – I was nervous, but the people were friendly & it was a very social & jovial atmosphere… about 40 people or so, in various states of undress…

    I’d never seen so many naked people in the same place in my life!! But – I dealt with it like a mature human being…

    After picking my jaw up off the floor & screwing my eyeballs back in my head, we mingled a bit…

    But – it was a hot day… a hot, stinkin’,sweatin’, balls-sticking-to-the-inside-of-your-leg Australia Day kind of a day…

    And there was a pool right there! Filled with naked women!!

    At this point in my life I had been naked in front of maybe 3 people…and 1 of those was a Doctor!

    I was painfully aware of my 50yr old Dad-bod…

    My body hair…

    The distinct lack of a 6 pack like everyone on TV has!

    No-one had ever mistaken me for Brad Pitt…

    But – new beginnings & all that…

    So – instead of getting changed into my swimmers, I just stripped  naked..

    And waited…

    Waited for the conversations to stop like in an old Western movie.

    Waited for people to notice & point & laugh, to show their disgust…

    But…no-one noticed…

    Not one person took the slightest bit of interest in another naked man at a Swingers’ party…

    And then it hit me…

    Nobody cared!!!

    It sounds rude – but the fact that nobody paid me the slightest bit of notice was so freeing!!

    I had one of those life-changing moments… you know – where the light bulbs pops up over your head & you realise something that fundamentally changes the way you look at life?

    We spend so much time & energy worrying about what other people think of us – how we look, what we say, what we do, what we think – that it can drives us crazy!!

    But the truth is – most people in your life AREN’T thinking about you at all!!

    Most people aren’t thinking about you at all!!

    Do you know how I know this? Because – they’re too busy thinking about what OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF THEM!!

    See – we like to think that we leave an indelible impression on people, and that they spend hours & hours with us on their minds… it’s know as Main Character Syndrome… To us – from our perspective – we are the Main character of our story… So it would follow that we are the Main Character from other people’s perspective, right?

    But, the truth is, most people are just trying to live their own lives – they haven’t got time to worry about us!!

    They, NOT US, are the Main Character in their own stories…

    And that – surprisingly,  can be very liberating…

    Once you understand that the vast majority of people are wrapped up in their own little worlds to worry about you & your shit – you stop worrying about a lot of unnecessary things…

    Things that really aren’t important at all…

    Its wasn’t until a few weeks later that I figured out that this “Lifestyle” (some people hate this word – but I think it’s apt…) has a lot more going for it than just casual sex with strangers… if I was prepared to listen & be honest with myself – I could learn a lot…